Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and follow Me.

-Song of Songs 2:10














Monday, September 26, 2011

Hold Me Close




He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
-2 Samuel 22:17



Hold me close.

Whisper in my ear, stir my soul slowly, shifting the stagnant pieces that have frozen in my stubbornness. Dissolve my defenses, sweetly untie the threads holding my chest together and work my heart through Your hands. Massage the meaning of my longing into the rivers of my wounds, wash them clean, a blue water cleansing the dank and dirty canals that block my heart from warmth.

Sing to me, Your voice the crescendo of a symphony in its fifth opus, rising, building in intensity until instruments from Your mouth blend and strike the opera house halls of my heart. Keep their echoes straining through the seats of my soul, long after the crowds depart and I am left in a soft solitude, soaking in the ovation flowing through the curtains.

Your fingers- let them stretch over me, tapping the tremors I cannot contain, calming my anxious mind that races around a continuous track, always speeding, always moving with momentum. Wind Your arms around me, a shawl closing over my shoulders to ward off the chilling dampness of uncertainty. Send Your blood crashing into mine, a beautiful scarlet explosion.

Write me a love letter in the sky. Paint a portrait of my face upon Your canvas. Mold my monotony into something adventurous. Electrify me. Blaze a line of light into my stormy evening; trail the sparks along my spine, jolt me to life.

I’ve been craving You since I found I am fallen. Console me in my shadowed moments, let me cling to You in comfort as I once floated secure and enclosed in my mother’s womb. If I fight, reel me in. If I lash out, soothe me with Your smile. May Your mercy shine over me like a beacon across the sea, and may You melt down all the turmoil that twists my veins.

You are the vast galaxy my small, burning star circles, suspended and slow. I am losing luster. Coat me with an effervescent fuel that transcends all time, all gravity that pulls at me with power. Save me. Be the hero my hope so desperately craves.



Prayer:
Speak to me, lift up my ears to hear Your truth. Soothe me, wrap me in Your warm embrace, shower me with security. I come to You, dizzy and disheveled, daring to dream of a hero. Rescue me. Take me to Your kingdom and anoint me as Your queen. Amen.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I Have Loved You




“I have loved you,” says the Lord.
But you ask, “How have You loved us?”
-Malachi 1:2



I ask for a star
and You give me
a galaxy.

I ask for a drop
and You pour the oceans
into my cup.

I ask for a sign
and You give me
breath each morning.

I ask for wisdom
and You teach me
so scholars look like fools.

I ask for a dream
and You bring
my thoughts to life.

I ask for answers
and You greet me
with silence.



You are the lines of light that course through my blinds as I wake to a new day, the song playing in my soul as I search cracks and corners for living chords that echo in the atmosphere. I think I see you as I walk the street, but when I turn to see where You have roamed, I am caught standing still in the city stream of moving people. I seek, but do I find? When my lips whisper pleas to You, they reach to You delicately, floating, humming in my ear. All I catch is the promise of Your presence, yet I cannot unfold my fears and touch You, cannot hear You point me in the right direction. I hear Your love roar around me, but I do not feel it in my bones, do not see what is there, waiting for me, in front of my eyes. Must I continue to cry out into this silence? Must my voice echo into the abyss? How long will my heart roam with no direction?

I have parted with my old ways and sealed myself to You, but the winds of wisdom spin about this path, blowing uncertainty across my steps. Help me keep my feet. Speak to me in ways You know will strike a light within and set my soul ablaze.


Prayer:
I am twisting in many directions, yet I seem to be directionless. I ask for wonders, for tiny truths to show me You are here, present and deep in my depths. But I falter, I doubt, I pay no attention to the slow, secret voices You slip in my conscious. I turn to the sky for floating answers, yet miss the clues tucked in the clouds. Help me see You and all the small ways You answer me, the small ways that ripple through me and change me every moment You make Yourself known. Amen.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Treasure Hunt




But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.
-Deuteronomy 4:29



Let’s go on a treasure hunt.

Your objective: to find Me.
I’ll give you a list of things to do, and you follow its directives.

Ready? Good. Let’s begin.

To Do #1- Observe either a sunrise or a sunset. Note the colors, how they blend in subtle shades and cover the sky in its canvas.

To Do #2- Depending on the season, do one of the following: feel the crisp air of autumn sweep across your face; listen to the fall of the rain in a summer storm; watch snowflakes dance across a gray backdrop and nestle comfortably on the ground in winter; reach out and touch the soft buds of flowers in spring, so delicate it is as if you stroke your hands against satin.

To Do # 3- Laugh along with a child. Feel their lighthearted peals soar straight into your heart. Hear how carefree they are with their chuckle.

To Do # 4- Take a night where you are alone, turn off the lights, put some candles on and settle in your favorite cushioned chair. Watch the shadows from the flames flicker across the wall, smell the citrus, spice and vanilla scents blending together. Breathe in, slowly. Close your eyes. Exhale, slowly. Savor the silence.

Are you getting closer?

To Do # 5- Throw on your favorite music. Turn the volume up. More. There, perfect. Sing along. Dance around. Loosen your limbs and let the melody sweep you away.

To Do # 6- Get in your car and drive. Just go. Anywhere. As you cruise, look at the landscapes, the cityscapes, the seascapes you pass. See passing before you the small towns, the cattle grazing among the fields, the glow of the sun off the windows of buildings.

To Do # 7- Do something nice for a stranger. Open a door. Pick up their garbage they left at the table. Compliment them on how their shirt enhances their eyes. Observe how they react. Observe how you feel.

To Do # 8- Think about your greatest dream. Your greatest goal, the thing you hold tightly against your chest. Taste it. Turn it so you may catch its light from all angles. Dare to hope that dream can turn into reality.

To Do # 9- Count the stars. Number them, as far as you are able to count, and connect the dots to draw designs in the night sky. Do not worry about running out of room. The black paper above you is endless.

Last one.

To Do # 10- Read Psalm 139. It’s a poem. Middle of My book, the Bible. Read it slowly, read it one line at a time. See what it says. Examine the words and how they hit you when you finish.


You see, I know you. Know every tiny detail of your makeup that even slips your mind at times. I know when you rise, and when you lay your head to bed. I want you to know I know you. I have found you from before you felt the air of this earth and came to be.

But have you found Me? Have you reached Me yet? It’s not hard. I’ve been with you this entire time. Been in the purples of the sky and smile of that child. Been the whispers in the silence, the music strumming through your soul. And I am that dream you are afraid to show the world.

Seek Me, my beloved. Turn and search for Me in the quiet places, in the loud and brash bellows of your breathing. The hunt may prove more difficult than imagined, longer, a bit confusing. But my dear, I promise you, there is glorious, sparkling treasure at the end when You reach the last to do checkmark, when you put it all together and I am in full view, a puzzle completed to form a breathtaking image.


Prayer:
I want to see You, I want to know that there is something bigger than me out there, Someone fighting my battles for me and loving me with a relentless, unconditional love. You say You are with me, and have been since I was born. Give me the courage to look, to see You in the small things, the daily activities I do without thought. Let me see You in the sky, feel You in the breeze. And let Your Spirit slip into my heart, inflating me with a feeling I have never experienced before. Amen.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Whole





Out of the depths I cry to You, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let Your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
-Psalm 130:1-2



You are not whole.

Can you feel it? The gap between your lungs? Air flickers through the void, aimless, without weight. It clears your soul to hover in an uncomfortable unknown.

Because of it, you feel heavy. Anchored to some invisible line, leading to blackness. It clips your throat and steals your breath. You cycle through emotionless day after emotionless day, forging ahead, filling your mind with trivial details you won’t remember the next week just to keep yourself from acknowledging the aching in your heart. From acknowledging the tear across your aorta where dreams disband and darkness develops. It is forbidden to feel. You will not let yourself admit to your misery because that would mean relying on someone other than yourself.

You’ve attached yourself to a plethora of people who welcome you for a time but rid you when you’ve served your purpose. All you want is for the dullness inside to deepen, to take root and twist around you so you are wrapped in something that won’t let you go. Each day is the same strain to keep together; each night brings terrors that reach for you with chilling hands. How much more heartache can you handle before you slip into nothing, a shell of the woman you once dreamed to be?

You are still a little girl inside. Still vulnerable, still hopeful beyond rational reason. You play with perfection, watch it slip to the molting earth and wonder when it was, that moment you stopped believing.

What can you say when your voice is taken from you, when you call out for answers and are met with silence? There is a mystery in the caverns of your cry, deep enough to hide in yet easily accessible. When you slip the door open a crack, trying to trust, an intruder bursts in and upturns your lamps, the fire that keeps you ignited. It is a whirlwind, tearing through with no warning, and you are left sitting in the ashes of apathy. Better not to give yourself away, you think. Better to burn out than attempt to kindle any kind of resolution from the mistakes you’ve made.

That missing part of yours still longs to be put together. To find its counterpart and feel, for once, that just maybe you are meant to be taken care of. Meant to be treasured, a pearl in a sea of stained stones.

So you dare to look around the darkness. Dare to face the light that is turning on your hope. Because in the depths of your disappointment, you know that there is more outside these walls you’ve constructed. A bridge across the canyon between your ribcage. A soft landing from your hard fall.

You are spinning. So uncertain, confused at the yearning inside. But movement is good. Movement means there is direction. There is a voice that continues to call. And you follow, hesitantly at first, because you are scared to step away from the prison you’ve preserved. But with each step, the voice grows stronger, sweeter. And the indentation in your soul craves to converse with it. Your soul is smart. It knows what it needs. It knows where to tug, where to pull you. It knows it is meant to be whole.


Prayer:
I am hurt. I am vulnerable. I am so lost in a spinning darkness I don’t know where to turn or how to get out. Lord, I long to be whole. I long to have this burning in my lungs filled with rejuvenating waters. I feel so far from where I once was, from the girl I once dreamed to be. Only You can fill me. Only You can give me the grace I need to be set free from my destruction. Help me, Lord, for I am sinking further into silence and need Your voice to bring me to the surface. Amen.